*Merlin, Inc. technical support. How can I help you?
-Yesterday Ive bought your sword …
*Congratulations, sir, youve made the right choice!
-It doesnt work.
*What does it mean – doesnt work?
-It doesnt cut the dragons head.
*Have you read the manual, sir?
-A noble knight have not to know how to read! But my armour-bearer has read it for me aloud twice.
*Well, sir. Have you taken the sword out of the sheath?
-Yes.
*Is that really so? Check it again, please.
-Ive done it, I say to you!
*Okay, sir. Now check the edge sharpness.
-Ough!
*You shouldnt do it with your finger, sir.
-What pwinger? Ive done it with my pwongue! I always check a sharp fwavour of my dwishes like that.
*You see, sir, a sword has a bit different construction than your dinner dishes. The term sharp means here …
-Im not obliged to know you technical terms! Im a user, not a hardware specialist. Youd better answer why doesnt it work!
*Did it work before?
-I dont know, Ive bought it only yesterday!
*Okay, sir. Have you done anything with it?
-No!
*Are you sure?
-Well, I only took it out of the sheath.
*Did you try to grind it yourself?
-What for?
*You know better, sir. Maybe you tried to install new spells on it?
-No, I use the default ones, which are supplied with the sword!
*Maybe its the spoiling, sir? How long ago have you updated your holy water?
-Ive downloaded the fresh version only two days ago!
*I see, sir. Then look if there are unscreened sources of black magic nearby. They may create hindrances for the sword.
-What sources?! Im in the desert!
*Dont be so nervous, sir.
-Im not nervous!
*Then why do you pant?
-Because the dragon is chasing me!
*Oh, so the dragon is near you?
-Yes, genius, he is already QUITE near!
*Excellent, sir! Give him the receiver.
-And what if he bites my arm off?
*Sorry, sir, but medical issues are beyond our competence.
-Next time Ill buy a sword of Morgana, Ltd.!
*Well … okay, sir. Describe at least how the dragon looks.
-Well, he is such … yellow … with a red moustache …
*Its clear now. You should begin with it. Its a non-licensed dragon, a Chinese counterfeit.
-And?
*Read the license agreement, sir. Merlin, Inc. doesnt guarantee any compatibility with non-certified devices.
-And what shall I do?
*Dont use cheap no-name dragons anymore, sir.
-Looks like HE is going to use me right now! Aaagh! No! Aaaaarrrgghhh!!!! …
*Sir? Sir, are you okay? … Well, in any case, Merlin, Inc. thanks you for your business.
Mark Scofield: you see how important the terms and conditions are :)
